Have you ever wondered why, no matter how perfectly you follow the plan—how clean you eat, how many calories you cut, how much you swear to yourself “this time it will be different,” and no matter how hard you try—you still end up falling off track?
Why does it always feel like two steps forward, three steps back?
What if I told you it’s not because you’re doing it wrong—or that you’re not trying hard enough—but because almost every weight loss plan is missing something HUGE?
Something that has nothing to do with what you eat or how much you exercise… and everything to do with how your brain has been wired to fail before you even begin.
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Well buckle up friends, because today I’m going to reveal the one thing almost every weight loss plan gets wrong—and why this one shift might be the reason your results have never stuck.
So let’s dive in.
Because today, I actually want to talk about something deeper than meal plans or macros or even metabolism.
So let me start by asking you a question:
Have you ever had that moment—standing in front of the mirror or stepping on the scale—where you just feel completely defeated?
You’ve done everything “right.” You followed the plan. You tracked your food. You said no to the bread basket. You even worked out when you didn’t feel like it.
And yet… you still ended up going totally off the rails. Again. And now, once again, you’re feeling stuck. Frustrated. Wondering why it always feels like such a battle—and why it never seems to stick.
If you’ve ever felt like that—if you’ve ever silently wondered, “What is wrong with me? Why can’t I just do this?”—then friend, this episode is for you.
Because the truth is, it’s not your fault.
And more importantly–and I want you to hear this deep into your SOUL–you’re NOT broken.
But there is a piece you’re probably missing when it comes to weight loss.
And I know, because I missed it too.
For ten years, I blamed myself. I thought if I just had more discipline, if I just tried a little harder, I’d finally lose the weight.
But it wasn’t until I stopped focusing only on what I was doing and started paying attention to how I was THINKING that everything changed.
The Struggle is Real (But It’s Not What You Think)
Because let’s be honest here—most of us already know what to do to lose weight. At least we think we do. Eat better. Move more. Drink the water. Get sleep. Cut the sugar.
But often, just knowing what to do isn’t the problem.
The problem is doing it consistently—and then not falling apart the moment life gets messy.
Because life always gets messy.
And when it does, we fall into the same loop: Start strong. Slip up. Feel guilty. Give up. Repeat.
Does that sound familiar?
It should, because it’s the story of almost every diet attempt most of us have ever made.
And it’s not because you don’t care. It’s not because you’re lazy. It’s because your brain has been conditioned to believe certain things about you, about food, about failure, and about what’s possible.
Most plans never address that part. They treat you like a machine: eat less, move more, done. Change your input, change your output. But you’re not a programmable robot running on a simple algorithm.
You’re a human. With thoughts, emotions, habits, triggers, trauma, and deeply ingrained beliefs.
And that’s where the real work—and the real transformation—has to start.
This is the exact reason why I struggled with my weight for so long. I just kept trying more diets, thinking that eventually I’d find the right combination of food restrictions and workout routines that would finally work.
I did Weight Watchers. I tried the F-Factor. I did juice cleanses. Meal delivery services. I tried the cabbage soup diet. I counted every calorie. I worked out until I was exhausted.
And sometimes I’d lose a little weight. But it NEVER stuck.
Because I was only focusing on what I was eating, not why I was eating it. I was focusing on changing my behavior without ever addressing the thoughts and beliefs that were driving that behavior.
What’s Really Going On in Your Brain
So let’s talk about what’s really going on.
Here’s the truth: Every action you take starts with a thought.
And your thoughts stem from your beliefs—often subconscious ones you’ve been reinforcing for years, maybe even decades.
It looks like this:
You have a belief: “I always mess this up.” That creates a thought: “What’s the point of trying?” Which leads to an action: Overeat, skip workout, give up. And then you get a result that reinforces your belief: “See? I knew I’d fail.”
And around and around we go.
This is why most diets fail. They’re only addressing the action part, not the belief or thought part. And when your actions are built on a faulty foundation, they’ll always crumble.
The Neuroscience Behind Your Habits
So let’s dive a little deeper into the science of what’s happening here, because understanding this was a game-changer for me.
Your brain is wired for efficiency. It’s evolved to conserve energy by forming habits and patterns that require less conscious thought. This is all happening because of something called neuroplasticity – your brain’s ability to form and strengthen neural pathways based on repeated experiences.
Dr. Ann Graybiel, a neuroscientist at MIT, has extensively studied how habits form in the brain. Her research shows that when you repeat an action—like reaching for comfort food when you’re stressed—your brain creates a shortcut.
The basal ganglia, a part of your brain responsible for automatic behaviors, takes over, and what once required conscious decision-making becomes automatic.
This is why willpower doesn’t work long term. It lives in your prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain responsible for decision-making and impulse control. But here’s the kicker: Your prefrontal cortex gets easily drained. Every decision you make, every temptation you resist, every difficult task you tackle depletes it a little more.
In fact, a fascinating study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that the mere act of making decisions—even simple ones like choosing between two product options—significantly reduced peoples’ ability to persist on difficult tasks afterward.
It’s a concept known as “decision fatigue.”
But habits?
Those live in the basal ganglia—a much deeper, more primitive part of your brain. And once habits are formed, they run on autopilot. They don’t require willpower or decision-making. They just happen. This is why you can drive home from work while thinking about something completely different—your habits are handling the driving.
So when you’ve spent years—maybe even decades—reinforcing certain patterns around food, stress, and self-talk, those neural pathways become deeply entrenched.
Every time you think, “I’m a failure at diets,” that pathway gets stronger. Every time you reach for food when you’re stressed, that connection gets reinforced.
And this is exactly why traditional diets that focus solely on what you eat are setting you up to fail. They’re asking you to use your limited willpower to fight against deeply ingrained neural pathways, without ever addressing those pathways directly.
The Hormonal Connection
And here’s where it gets even more interesting—and where the science of mindset and the science of metabolism actually intersect.
Your thoughts and mindset also influence your hormones—especially cortisol and insulin.
When you’re constantly stressed—whether from external pressures or from the internal stress of negative self-talk, guilt, and perfectionism—your cortisol levels stay elevated.
This isn’t just theoretical; it’s measurable. A study published in Psychoneuroendocrinology, which might just be the longest word I’ve ever had to say on this podcast, found that self-criticism was associated with higher cortisol levels, particularly in women.
And what happens when cortisol stays high?
You get increased insulin resistance. A 2016 study in the journal Diabetes Care demonstrated that chronic stress and elevated cortisol were directly linked to insulin resistance, even in people without diabetes.
High cortisol raises insulin. High insulin stores fat.
In other words, your negative self-talk and stress are literally sabotaging your metabolism at a hormonal level! CRAZY right?!!
This is why the scale doesn’t move, even when you’re “doing everything right.” Your body is physiologically responding to your mental state.
I know this firsthand. During my decade of diet failures, I was my own worst critic.
Every time I slipped up, I’d beat myself up. “Why can’t you just stick with it? What’s wrong with you? You’re so weak. You’re never going to change.”
And guess what happened? I’d feel so bad that I’d reach for food to comfort myself. Or I’d get so discouraged that I’d just give up completely. “Well, I’ve already blown it, so what’s the point?”
It’s a cycle most of us know all too well. And it’s a cycle that most diet plans completely ignore.
Breaking the Cycle: The Psychology of Sustainable Change
So what do you do?
Well, you start by flipping the script.
Not just on what you eat—but on what you believe about yourself, your worth, and what’s possible.
You stop trying to force new behavior with willpower, and instead you rewire the source code—your thoughts and beliefs.
And this is the key: You have to work on your mindset FIRST, or at least at the same time as you’re changing your food.
The Power of Self-Compassion
One of the most powerful mindset shifts you can make is moving from self-criticism to self-compassion.
Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research, has found that people who practice self-compassion are more likely to adopt healthy behaviors and stick with them long-term. They’re less likely to engage in emotional eating, and more likely to get back on track after setbacks.
Why? Because when you treat yourself with kindness rather than criticism, you reduce the stress response that drives emotional eating. You also create a sense of safety that allows for real growth and change.
Here’s an example. When I finally changed my approach to weight loss, I didn’t just change what I was eating. I also changed how I talked to myself when I slipped up.
Instead of, “I’m such a failure, I can’t believe I ate that cookie,” I started saying, “One cookie doesn’t define me. I can make a better choice next time.”
Instead of, “I’ve blown it, might as well eat the whole bag,” I’d say, “I’m still in control of my choices. Just because I had one cookie doesn’t mean I need to have ten.”
And you know what? Those little mindset shifts actually make a huge difference.
When I stopped beating myself up, I stopped needing to soothe myself with food. When I started believing I could succeed, I started making choices that aligned with that belief.
And the weight came off—49 pounds in total—and I’ve kept it off for years because my mindset changed, not just my diet.
The Growth Mindset Approach
Another crucial mindset shift comes from Dr. Carol Dweck’s research on growth mindset versus fixed mindset.
People with a fixed mindset believe their abilities are set in stone: “I’m just not good at sticking to diets.” “I have no willpower.” “I’ve always been overweight.”
But people with a growth mindset see challenges as opportunities to learn and grow: “I haven’t found the right approach yet.” “I’m learning more about what works for my body.” “I’m getting better at this every day.”
The research is clear: people with a growth mindset are more likely to persist through challenges, learn from setbacks, and ultimately achieve their goals.
When you shift from, “I always fail at diets” to “I’m learning what works for me,” you open up possibilities that weren’t there before.
This isn’t just positive thinking—it’s a fundamentally different way of approaching challenges.
In fact, the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that people with a growth mindset were more likely to stick with difficult tasks and achieve better results over time.
Identity-Based Habits
But perhaps the most powerful mindset shift of all is what James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, calls “identity-based habits.”
The idea is simple but profound: The most effective way to change your behavior is to focus on who you want to become, not just what you want to achieve.
So instead of thinking, “I want to lose weight” (outcome-based), you start thinking, “I am a person who makes healthy choices” (identity-based).
This shift is crucial because your brain is always working to maintain consistency with your self-image. If you see yourself as someone who “has no willpower,” you’ll make choices that align with that identity. But if you start seeing yourself as “someone who takes care of their body,” your choices will naturally align with that identity.
This isn’t just theory—it’s backed by research. A study published in the British Journal of Health Psychology found that participants who formed identity-based intentions (“I am the kind of person who…”) were significantly more likely to follow through on healthy behaviors than those who didn’t.
This is the piece that almost every weight loss plan gets wrong. They give you the what, but not the how. They focus on the mechanics, but ignore the mindset.